I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize