The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
