I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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