he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
