Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
