Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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