you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
