I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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