I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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