God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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