he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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