Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
