Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
