My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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