But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
