yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
