a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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