i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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