ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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