i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
