i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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