We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
