I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
