i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Randomize