Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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