I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
