Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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