I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You can't motorboat a personality
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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