how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
