Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
