how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
