Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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