The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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