I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
