my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
