Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
