I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
