I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
this just has baby written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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