I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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