College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
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you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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