I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
