I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
