i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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