I hate your face
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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