Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
