It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
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