totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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