I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
That reminds me...we need to get swords
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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