when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My vagina just clenched in fear
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
