So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
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