my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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