Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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