You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize