Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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