it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
