she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
