highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
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he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
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We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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