I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
