i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
