How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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