Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize