Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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