She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
