Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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